What is self-confidence and what does it mean to lack self-confidence?
Based on the Cambridge dictionary self-confidence is “the belief that you can do things well and that other people respect you”.
The keyword in this sentence is belief. And this belief we have for ourselves is mostly dependent on our previous experiences.
I used to think of myself as a confident person but I might have been wrong in some cases. See, I thought of myself as a low-profile person who does not want to make a big deal. I thought that I was confident enough and never wondered about it.
I used to think that all these people who constantly praise themselves for their accomplishments are arrogant. When someone would praise me for something I had done right I would act as if it was not important. I would be insisting that anyone could have done it.
But truth is that most of the time what I had done was a big deal. In most cases what I had done took lots of hard work to make it happen. Maybe yes, somebody could have done it also but this time it was me who should take the credits for.
The above example is one of many to prove that I was not that self-confident as I thought I was. After researching how a person can identify characteristics that indicate a lack of self-confidence, I created the following list.
How to Identify Whether Your Actions Indicate Lack of Self-confidence.
1. Those who Lack of Self-confidence Care About Other People’s Opinions
If you feel like your actions and decisions should be silently or loudly approved by society, your family, other people around you this is definitely an indicator that you do lack self-confidence. A person who is confident and believes in himself knows that he does not need approval from anyone else but himself.
2. Those who Lack of Self-confidence Avoid Risks and Have Fear of Failure
People with low self-confidence are not easily willing to leave their comfort zone. They would even put up with unhealthy and abusive situations because they are afraid of taking the risk to get out of them.
People with low confidence would not easily try something new or take a chance because they are too much afraid of the possibility of failure. On the other hand, self-confident people know that even if failure is always a chance it is not something that will stop them from trying anyway.
3. Those who Lack of Self-confidence Do not Allow Themselves to Make Mistakes
Although you might think that this is a characteristic of a perfectionist truth is that people who lack self-confidence also do this. Self-confident people allow themselves to make mistakes, take responsibility for them, and use them as lessons.
People with low self-confidence feel like they should have done everything right. They try to hide the problem and hope that nobody will understand that they are responsible for it.
4. Those who Lack of Self-confidence Constantly Remind Others about Their Virtues or Accomplishments
A person who is confident enough is aware of his value and what he has accomplished. Does not feel the need to say it to others and expects their confirmation of his saying. A self-confident person knows that his value will be appreciated and waits for others to express it.
5. Those who Lack of Self-confidence Do Not Accept Compliments Even When They Are Worthy of Them
A person with low self-confidence does not even acknowledge his own value. This is why compliments make him feel uncomfortable. It comes more natural to say that what he did was not that important or that the other person is wrong than just accepting it with a simple thank you.
“I finally made up my mind I wanted to be an actress and I was not going to let my lack of confidence ruin my chances”
Merilyn Monroe
Impacts of Lack of Self-confidence
Lack of self-confidence does not allow us to enjoy our accomplishments, to feel good inside our body, to set ourselves free. We feel that there is no point in trying because we are sure we will fail. And because we are sure of that we simply take no action at all towards what we want.
Self-confidence is our belief about how good we are. This does not mean that it is something measurable or accurate. If we think low of ourselves that doesn’t mean that our value is low. But thinking low of ourselves limits our perspectives, our choices, and generally impacts our lives in the worst possible way.
How to Leave Lack of Self-confidence Behind
1. Accept Yourself
You might not be super intelligent, good-looking, funny, or whatever you may think of as good quality, but you are you and you are all you have. Be honest and kind with yourself.
Accept every aspect of yourself, even those you try to hide away from others. Especially those aspects of yourself are the ones that make you unique. Maybe not everyone will like them but those who will are those who will like you for your true self, not the one you pretend to be.
“As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live.”
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
2. Get Physically Active
You don’t need to start exercising in order to lose weight or to improve your health. Of course, these are two of the main advantages of physical activity but there have also been researches that prove that making exercise a habit can help you improve your confidence.
3. Get out of your Comfort Zone
It doesn’t necessarily have to be something huge all at once. It could be something really simple like trying to talk to a stranger if you are too shy or taste a new food if you don’t like changes. Stepping a little bit out of your comfort zone each day can help you build self-confidence.
4. Start Acknowledging your Accomplishments and Wins
There is a thing called “impostor syndrome” which according to scientists is what sometimes takes control and makes us feel like frauds like we don’t deserve to belong or take credit for our accomplishments. Unfortunately, the human brain has a tendency to focus mainly in times of failure rather than in times of success. Making effort to acknowledge our accomplishments and wins, celebrate them, or even keep a record of them can help us fight this syndrome and build self-confidence.
5. Fix your Posture
Research has shown that sitting up straight in your chair isn’t just good for your posture but also gives you more confidence in your own thoughts. This is such a simple tip that has been proved that matters in order to build self-confidence.
Conclusion
Sometimes lack of self-confidence might be hidden and hard to realize. However, the signs are there for those willing to look for them. To build self-confidence means you allow yourself to open up to new possibilities, in a new and healthier version of your true self.
“Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her.”
Lao Tzu
If you liked this you might also like “Successful People Are Not Perfectionists – No Need To Strive For Perfection” or “Try to fit in this World? Why People Persistently Do So?“
This was really interesting as it does show how self-confidence can be quietly impacted and come out in ways we may not always recognize as an issue of esteem. I liked the advice you give to overcome it too — really encouraging!
I found it really interesting too how quietly it might work Molly. I am glad you liked it. Thank you for commenting 🙂
Great in-depth article – thanks for sharing!
Thank you Sarah!
It can be tricky to accept compliments. Interesting post!
Glad you found it interesting! Thank you for commenting 🙂
Attitude is everything! Thanks for the reminder.
Thank you Sue ❤️
I found this really interesting, especially as I’m really guilty of brushing myself off too. Some really great tips! X
Brushing yourself is really tricky Alice. I am glad you liked it. Thank you for commenting!
Great post.
I previously lacked self confidence but not anymore. I believe in myself now and won’t accept the stress I previously put up with. I’m better than that.
Self belief is a powerful thing.
I understand exactly what you mean. I am glad you gained your self belief. Thank you for commenting ❤️
This is such an important post! Admittedly, I do lack some self confidence and always have. I’m trying to work on that now as I don’t want to pass that onto my daughter. So this post was very helpful thank you!
Soffy / alittlecupofus.com
I am glad you found it helpful Soffy! Thank you for commenting 🙂
A brilliant reminder, thank you.
And a thoroughly enjoyable well written read. I look forward to more of your posts.
I am glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
This was really interesting to read, there were some of these I recognised as old behaviours which I’m happy to say I managed to change but there are some I definitely still do. Gaining self confidence can be so hard but it’s definitely worth it, for me I think the main one is letting go of what others think of you!
Others are everywhere Nicci and this makes it hard to ignore them. It is not easy to let go of the opinions of others but it does worth it. I am happy you found it interesting. Thank you for commenting 🙂
Thanks for sharing such an insightful post. Some great tips here to help boost those with low confidence (me included)
Thank you Bex! I am glad you liked it 🙂
I think self-confidence can be indicated from your actions, and this is a great insight about this. Thanks for sharing x
I am glad you liked it! Thank you for commenting 🙂
Your story about not thinking you lacked self-confidence because you didn’t exhibit “classic” signs really resonates with me. I never doubted my abilities or what i hsould do in a situation, but I always doubted whether others would deem my efforts and abilities sufficient. It hought they were, but didn’t know if others would agree. That is a subtle form of lacking self-confidence that just isn’t talked about, so I didn’t know I had a problem to address until my late 20’s. Also, i think perfectionism is just a name for fearing imperfection, which in itself is a lack of self-confidence.
Thank you for sharing your similar experience with us. I do think that perfectionism is a form of lack of self-confidence. It was great reading your thoughts about it. Thank you again 🙂
great post. i think one key factor is the ability to be positive & go for our dreams regardless of what people think. if you can do that, then you can do anything. nothing is unreachable.
btw, did you change your blog theme? looks good!
You are totally right Helen! If you can go out for your dreams without caring about others nothing can stop you.
I am glad you think that my blog looks good. I did not change the theme but I am constantly working on it….a big work in progress every day …..
It is really good to know that it is seen and appreciated.
Thank you for commenting!
Good tips! I used to have lack of self-confidence. I improve it by focusing on my inner strengths and qualities. It makes me know myself better and accept myself for who I am. And thank god, I found it from writing and arts.
It is great to read you managed to deal with your lack of self confidence. You are really good in writing in arts and as you said same stands for everyone focusing on his inner strengths and qualities. Thank you for commenting!
Really interesting topic! I definitely do some of these things. I need to work on it.
Glad you found it interesting. Thank you for commenting!
I’m one of those people who brushes off compliments and sometimes find it hard to accept them. It’s important to accept yourself as you are and embrace it! x
Lucy | http://www.lucymary.co.uk
It is important indeed. Thank you for reading and commenting Lucy!
Fab tips! I’ve always struggled with accepting compliments from others and yet I also care a lot about other people’s opinions, which can be a real nightmare. I definitely want to get more physically active though – as well as acknowledging my wins, of course! Thanks for sharing, this was such an important post.
I am really glad you liked it! Lack of self confidence can be so tricky. Good to know you are working in it. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
These were very relatable and I really appreciated your tip. I found myself sitting straighter up after reading them! Thank you for sharing!
Haha I did the same thing when found the research and read it. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
I love this post. I know I lack confidence. It rang a bell when I read about avoiding risk, and fearing failure. I also don’t want to make mistakes, and can’t accept a compliment. Thanks for the great suggestions on how to work on self confidence, and also the effects of not having confidence.
~Michelle
https://michellescrazybusylife.net
I am really glad you liked it and you found it helpful. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
Wow this post is packed with so much great information about confidence. I love your tips and starting small with making changes is a great way to help build confidence that is sustainable. I always feel so much better after going for a walk or being active – that’s one tip that really resonates with me.
Thank you Alex! I am glad you liked my post and could find yourself in it.
This is a helpful blog post with some really helpful tips to build confidence. I am working on my confidence and coming across more confident. Thank you for sharing!
Lauren – http://www.bournemouthgirl.com
I am glad tou liked it and you found it helpful Lauren! Gaining confidence is a work in progress but it definitely worths it. Thank you for commenting 🙂
I have always had a hard time in looking at how capable I am and to feel deserving of such achievements I had. Thanks for the enlightening post!
I am happy to read you found it enlightening.Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
As soon aa I read about sitting up straight at the end, while I was slouching in my chair, I immediately sat up straight LOL! 😀 My hubby is terrible at accepting compliments and I’m always telling him, no buts, just accept that I think you did a good job, without putting yourself down 🙂 Great post.
Hahaha I did the same while reading the research about it. I am glad you liked it and found it relative. Thank you for commenting 🙂
“Those who Lack of Self-confidence Avoid Risks and Have Fear of Failure”
Absolutely. The fear of failure was so great when I was a child. There’s a lot more to the origins of that fear and I’ll post about it in my blog.
Overcoming that fear was the realisation that I was learning. There was an expectation that I would fail until I got it right.
Fear can be overcome by doing it, making mistakes and learning from them.
Yes, you are right for most cases. Fear can be overcome by doing it. Unfortunately some of my phobias could not be overcome following this advice. I will keep on trying though until I make it. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
I hope that you find your way forwards with your fears.
Thankyou for making me aware that some of your phobias are still with you.
You’ve definitely opened my mind and given me something to think about.
M 🙂
I definitely lack self-confidence, but at least I’m aware of it. I find that the whole “fake it ’til you make it” works in a lot of situations. And yes, better posture definitely! It’s such a small thing that appears insignificant, but standing straight and throwing your shoulders back makes a massive difference.
Cora | https://www.teapartyprincess.co.uk/
“Fake it till you make” does work and standing straight of course. I am glad you could relate yourself to my post. Thank youfor reading and commenting 🙂
This was a really interesting and insightful post Eri! I could definitely see a lot of these traits in old me – caring about others opinions, not accepting compliments. And your tips are spot on for increasing self confidence!
Thank you Vourneen! I am really glad you liked it and found it interesting 🙂
I defo lack self confidence – but I’m also so good at backing myself in other situations. My work persona is confident and content. My personal relationship with myself still needs some work!
Rosie
Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
Good article! I always beat myself up for making mistakes but what’s the point? I need to start being kinder to myself on this.
I used to do that also Jenni. Really no point doing it. Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
This was an interesting read. I definitely tend to show some lack of self confidence when I am hard on myself and not allowing myself to make mistakes. But I am learning not to do that
Gaining confidence is work in progress. I am glad you found it interesting Seriah. Thank you for commenting 🙂
I am glad you liked it Jodie! Thank you for reading and commenting 🙂
I’m a big advocate of stepping back to understand the problem before jumping in to try to solve it, and I really appreciate that you’ve done that here. It’s so important to see the different ways that a lack of self confidence affects not only how we feel and act, but also treat others around us as a result. It’s important to see that while low self confidence acts like a voice that’s there to protect us from harm, it’s actually what’s causing a lot of harm. And I love your tips for working through it. Small steps, steadily applied, that help build a healthier self image!